70x7: My Conviction with Un-Forgiveness

What's up Butterfly Fam!!! I wanted to make this post because I shared something on FB that is definitely a part of my spiritual transformation so I figured I should share it with the people truly joining this journey to die daily with me, because it might encourage you to end your contract with whatever spirits are tormenting you.

Here's what I wrote:

"Long Post Alert:

I always find myself oversharing on here, but since this might also set you free from torture. I thought that it was necessary.

Last week Shawnice Wilson texted me asking if I was joining the 70x7 Women's Bible Study group with Kimberly Tibbs and the rest of the ladies at KDC. I said no, Im working. Then Carolyn Williams-Moncrieffe sent me a picture of it saying that I needed to get it. At this point, I didn't need a 3rd person to tell me to get it to figure out that God had told these ladies to plant a seed. So, I get the workbook. I don't open it. I get on Zoom for the study but was trying to multi task so I wasn't paying attention and I was already uncomfortable because they had started a week prior and I just got my book a few days ago.

BUT TODAY... because of the curfew I was off early and I do this weird thing with Monday's where I force myself to start something new be it a study or a sharpening a skill. Today I chose to spend the next 40 days learning about forgiveness.

So, I turn on the TV, get youtube up and search for Bruce Wilkinson's 70x7 sessions. I got lucky and found the one that I needed to start today and watched 40 minutes of a life changing revelation. (REWIND) Sunday, the spirit of suicide was on me heavy and I cried all day because I couldn't recognize the trigger. I even had to seek prayer at church it was so thick. For those of you who know me, you know I've been tormented by this spirit for the majority of my life.

I have been asking God for years why I haven't had any joy. I have been broken down and tormented for years by anger, depression and insecurities. I have been holding on to trauma and pain for years because it helped me to have an identity and I could blame all of my character flaws on my trauma. I have self sabotaged relationship after relationship because of un-forgiveness.

I remember when I was 18/19, I was in the basement at my moms house and I was trying to go to sleep because I was volunteering the next day with Mahogany Dudley Finley at a shelter in STL. But, I couldn't sleep. I literally heard demons laughing at me, I was scared to move, I was crying and screaming and literally talking back to them. My mind was racing and this fear was greater than that of what science calls "sleep paralysis" and if youve ever experienced that you know that feeling of a "demon riding your back". Well these demons were looking at me and literally laughing. The basement was full of laughter and I sat there with my eyes covered, crying and screaming. I was being tormented. I remember getting in the car with Mo, the next day afraid to tell her what I had just experienced in fear that she'd think I was crazy.

Today I learned that God DELIVERS everyone who chooses not to forgive to "the torturers" and that MOST of our suffering comes from un-forgiveness. So like, you mean to tell me that I have brought this wickedness on myself... you mean to tell me that all I have to do is forgive without limit (both others and myself) and this spirit will leave me alone. I am so mad at myself that I've been living at least 2 decades with all of this un-forgiveness in my heart. But, I am so happy that I can move forward from this day with a new way of thinking and a new way of life. The consequence of un-forgivness is always, like 100% (according to the Word), TORMENT/TORTURE!

If you want to know if you are living in un-forgiveness ask yourself this: Have I experienced torment? If the answer is yes, please understand that "The torturers will apply discipline UNTIL forgiveness if fully granted. You have the power to end the contract that delivered you to the torturers.

I forgive everyone that has trespassed against me.

Bye bye tormenting spirits of suicide, depression, anger, insecurity, lying and pride. I forgive me. <3"

Read the word for yourself and let it convict you (NKJV):

  • My annotations are in PINK

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

Peter thought that 7 was plenty enough times, to forgive lol.

22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

I know you wanted to do the math, so it's 490 times. But Jesus is insinuating forgive without record/limit.

23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

He knew he couldn't pay that back, just like God knows that there is nothing we can do to pay Jesus back... but he is moved by our falling to our knees begging.

28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down [a]at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you [b]all.’ 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.

God forgives us, but we don't forgive others. Where they do that at? He wasn't even good and out the room and had already forgotten about the grace that he had been given.

^He threw him into prison. Just prison.

31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.

All of your actions and thoughts are being filmed in heaven, you'll have to explain them all.

32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’

God describes people who don't forgive as WICKED! oUcH!

34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. 35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother [c]his trespasses.”

^Not JUST prison, but to TORTURERS... to be tortured until you pay it all back. o_o

God will throw us to the torturers IF we don't forgive from our heart.

Sidenote: Any time the word says "IF" that means that the ball is in our court.

I have made the decision to forgive others and forgive myself from all of the pain and trauma and even the suffering that I had endured from living in un-forgiveness. I am ready to live a full life of bountiful blessings and joy. It starts today.

Father, I pray that something that was read in this post will plant a seed in the reader to have a hunger for a full life. I pray that they thirst for a life free of un-forgiveness. I ask that you remind us daily the consequence of un-forgivess. Father, I thank you that we have a choice. You have given us the power to deliver ourselves from the hand of the enemy. The contract to torment is null and void. We understand that the root of our suffering is in unforgiveness. So, Father help us to dig up and throw out any hurt that is causing us to live in a life or torment. We thank you that IT IS SO! Amen.

xO, Butterfly <3

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